For years I wanted to be a Writer (note the capital W). It was a thing. I wasn't alone in this quest. Writers popped up everywhere, there were courses and retreats, eBooks and mentors. We all had plans. Books, projects, dedicated websites and, then, Substack.
I quit Substack altogether last year and have never missed it. My philosophy about writing was shifting.
I started writing in Paris in 1984. A friend, the archetypal American in Paris, was a Writer. He was writing the great American novel. I jotted in Gibert Jeune notebooks, the ones with the multiple lines, perfect for the ink Stypens that I bought in abundance. He didn't rate my writing - although he did once say he could see my writerliness glowing in the dark - but still I jotted.
One day I interviewed Bill Murray outside a boulangerie near Notre Dame. I wrote up the experience on yellow typing paper, covertly using landlady and journalist, Marie-Jo's typewriter. I still have these flimsy pages.
I discovered journaling although it wasn't called that back then. A favourite café, an espresso (budget student coffee) and a notebook became one of my pleasures. I also loved stationery, especially fountain pens and ink.
Later, and back home in the UK, journaling became cathartic. I filled notebooks with my ramblings, my hopes, my losses, my wins, my despair. Mid 30s, I watched The Saint (Val Kilmer/Elisabeth Shue version), and started keeping a hardback A4 notebook under the sofa.
I read about writing, I interviewed writers. I made video podcasts although they weren't called that yet. And I blogged.
I self-published a book, more of a compilation than actual writing. It was a step in the right direction. In my 40s I had an idea for a book which has never left me. It languished on a back burner.
I started a Digital Garden on Obsidian and published some of that for a few years.
I wrote on Medium and then on Substack. I had websites. And then came the tiny web.
I wanted to pare back. To have a simpler setup. I still loved Digital Gardens and that was where my future lay.
Life has come full circle. Notebooks, Midoris, fountain pens, journaling in cafés. Perhaps what I'm learning is that writing is the thing, however I do that.
Recently a couple of people have given me their self-published books, and I pondered whether it's better to be published than not, and not all writing has to be good. Done is better than perfect.
Related: Writing in Cafés · Why Do You Write? · You Do Not Need Credentials to Write · Way Way Back · How I Met Bill Murray in Paris